SAY MY NAME
Here’s a fun fact about me: I don’t really like saying my name out loud. Saying it one time is doable, but if I have to keep saying it, things get awkward. I’m sorry to say that when people ask me to repeat my name for clarification, my voice goes up at the end? Like it’s a question? That annoying way of speaking that drives everyone crazy?
I think I am secretly afraid that I’m saying it wrong. Yes, my own first name.
My averseness to saying names sometimes extends to other people’s names. Like Drew. For some reason, I’m always expecting someone to call me on my “totally weird” way of saying his name. Like, am I making the “Dr” sound into too much of a “J” sound? Or am I over-emphasizing the “ooo”? It shouldn’t be a difficult name – that’s one of the reasons his mom picked it for him – but it’s become this occasional mental stumbling block for me.
It’s a similar feeling as when you repeat a single word over and over again (like egg, or hamster) and it starts to lose all meaning. What is a Drew anyway? Although I have always been jealous of people whose names also function as words: like my fifth-grade teacher, whose first name was Star. She could collect all kinds of things with stars on them. What could I collect?
Drew and I rarely call each other by our names, when it’s just the two of us. (Maybe he’s also nervous he’s saying it wrong.) Some embarrassing nicknames may or may not come into play. I figure at some point, as the many years of marriage weigh on us, we’ll transition into using each other’s names. Or maybe we won’t. That’s what makes us us, I suppose.
The other day at a work function I had to introduce myself to the group as a whole, and then to four people individually. By the fifth time I said, “Hi, I’m Syche,” even I was thinking, Well, that is just ridiculous. Then there was the inevitable spelling it out – I think people think it will clarify things, but it just muddles them more. That same night I went out with some friends for dinner, and when they asked for a name, I said Drew. Without skipping a beat the hostess said, “You don’t look like a Drew.” Not the first time I’ve heard that. I guess it is true that you embody your name, and some people just couldn’t be anything but what they’re named. What does that say about me? I’m easily misunderstood, and possibly always trying just a little too hard?
You can change your name but I don’t think I would ever want to. It would be too weird to have to figure out what name I do embody, at this late point in my life. And I guess in a sick, Stockholm Syndrome-type of way, I’m proud of my name, and that I’m not just another Jessica in a sea of Jessicas.
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8 replies on “Say My Name”
I have a lot of name stories associated with your name (which I love btw). I remember Mike Oesch correcting Iac when he kept calling you Sasha. I also remember a story you told about “Streetcar” rehearsals. The director was looking at an actor and couldn’t remember his name. She thought it started with an “D” as there were a lot of “D” names in the show. You helped her go down the list of Drew, Dick, David, Dirk etc. She eventually just kept pointing at him and saying “it starts with a D!” and you followed her gaze….to Travis.
I’m sure I told that story wrong…..haha.
But it makes me laugh…and think of you.
I forgot about that (the D name story) but I remember it now, and I love it!
hey hey hey, what are you implying about my name then?
=(
LOL, originally it was Jennifer instead of Jessica, but I didn’t want to offend you. I love the name Jennifer! But I definitely see you as more of a Jen. Even though everyone else calls you Jennifer.
well, it’s nice to be thought of…..strange how you switched jessica out for jennifer.
in freshman year i had a math teacher who kept calling me jessica so i went with it. during my senior year she asks one of the math teachers how i’m doing in his class but he has no idea who she’s talking about. one day, she happens to see me in the hall , drags me to the other math teacher and declares, “THIS IS JESSICA. SHE’S REAL!!!” he blinks and goes, “Jessica? This is Jennifer”. then my sister happened to waltz into the class and goes, “What are you doing here Jen?” Then the freshman math teacher looks at my sister and goes, “Catherine, you know her?” Then I went, “Her name is Kimberly not Catherine.”
Fun times.
Greetings my pondering niece! Gosh if I spent as much time pondering all the things you write I about, I would never sleep at night (which I don’t do much of already.) The other night it was about how to keep the scrub jay from eating all the bluebird’s mealworms. (I actually came up with a great idea, but did lose too much sleep!) I happen to really like your name….pondering for the moment, I can’t think of another name that would fit you.
Denise
And then what would we call a serving of green beans? A Sarah? Oh no.
I liked the ‘It’s a similar feeling as when you repeat a single word over and over again (like egg, or hamster) and it starts to lose all meaning.’ part. That’s so true. I’ve felt that before and it was…weird. It was like by constant repetition, you’re taking apart the word by its letters. And…yeah, I don’t know. It does start to lose meaning. It’s like you don’t know what that something is anymore. Like detaching the signifier to the signified.