It’s Either This, or the Plague

You’ve probably heard that Earth recently welcomed its 7 billionth person. Not of all time. But at one time. You’ve also probably heard that in 1950, the world population was about 2.5 billion. That’s a 4.5 billion people growth in 60 years. Perhaps then you’ve also heard that the UN projected world population of 2050 is between 7.5 and 10.5 billion.

Where are these people going to go? I ask myself. Also, Is this going to trigger Nature to do something to help control population growth, a la Stephen King’s The Stand? And finally, How did we let this happen??

Well…I think I know how. In many parts of the world, thanks to society and forward-thinking and liberation, we have very specific views on sex and childbirth. Namely, that both are A-OK no matter what your status in life – age, marital status, finances, etc.

This is where I’m going to tread semi-carefully, because I definitely know people who have gotten pregnant out of wedlock and who have loved and cherished their babies and raised them up (or are in the process of raising them up) to be decent, upstanding, hardworking people.

BUT. The way I understand it – and I wasn’t there; I could be wrong – in the 1950s and before, you just didn’t start having sex with your boyfriend when you were 15 and then accidentally get knocked up before you graduated high school and then keep the baby because you can make your own choices about your own body. But these days…that’s par for the course. Now take that one scenario and multiply it by a billion. Then multiply that again for all those second children that those people just have to have because they love their first one so much. And plus, you know, they already have the first one…

It gets glamorized, being a young mother, on shows like Teen Mom and True Life. Film crews romanticize having a ton of children, on Table for 12, 19 Kids and Counting (don’t get me started on Michelle Duggar being pregnant with #20), Raising Sextuplets, etc. Moms who get artificially knocked up with multiples that come in potentially unsafe droves become celebrities – Kate Gosselin, Nadia Sulemon.

The TV personalities – they aren’t really any of my business. I don’t watch those shows (well…I used to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 back when it was innovative and sweet) and I ignore the “celebs.” But then I start thinking about them in terms of the population growth, and it just irritates me.

There’s something I like about the idea that each couple on earth gets 2 kids – one to replace each of them. But if one couple is out there having 8, or 12, or 20 kids – well, that’s just greedy.

And the 20-somethings out there, each with their own kid or two, will one day meet and fall in love with someone, who also has his or her own kids. And then they’ll come together and have to have more kids, as proof of their love…or of their total inability to grasp the concept of birth control.

What annoys me is that I want a family someday soon. I don’t want 12 or 15 or 20 kids. I just want one or two. And I resent that here I sit, thinking about the world population and wanting to do my part to reduce growth and help the human race avoid apocalypse – but oops! Here’s one more 19-year-old on Facebook, spilling her guts about accidentally getting pregnant. Or oops! One more 40-something celebrity pretending it’s just an unexpected blessing, when really she went through a bunch of medical treatments, because she just had to have a fourth child.

I think we – as a society – need to get back that some of that healthy shame about sex. It needs to not be totally acceptable for 14-year-olds to be doing it, and maybe some people should get shipped off to visit their spinster aunt to cover up their pregnancy, or something. (Cross my heart, this is hypothetical.)

On the other hand, I’m also advocating for more accessible birth control – possibly just pumped into the water? Because even in my heightened state of anger here (yeah, I think I’ve actually reached the anger stage), I know that I can’t stop a couple billion teenagers from losing themselves in the moment, or however we’re going to justify this. (But seriously, pumping something into the water – that’s not a bad idea.)

I’m not saying this only out of a selfish place. I’m just thinking of the human race and what’s best for us. Surely we don’t want to bring on a plague or an epidemic or something, just because everyone forgot to buy condoms? And also somehow forgot to use a backup method? (Use a backup method, people!)

The way to fix all the world’s problems can be summed up into, “Everyone take some responsibility.” Everyone: just take some freaking responsibility. Lest we reach a point in society where the government just randomly (?) sterilizes a percentage of the population.

Parents – don’t give your 14-year-old the freedom to start having sex.
TLC – stop showing shows that promote getting as much use out of your uterus as you possibly can: just because you have one doesn’t mean it needs to be in constant rotation.
Kids – save yourselves, if not for marriage, at least for love. And if you can’t do that, then get thee to Planned Parenthood.

I’m just trying to ensure space for a couple of my own offspring one day, okay?