Categories
Beginnings Memoir Nonfiction Writing

Smartphone, Sweet Smartphone

I recently became the proud owner of a smartphone. Until that fateful day last week, I identified myself as a hardcore texter and an occasional phone conversationalist, but I didn’t have the luxury of Google-mapping my way out of being terribly lost, or being able to check the weather in any part of the world with a single swish of my finger (85 degrees and thunderstorms in New York!).

I’m one week into smartphone ownership, and I’m still deep in the honeymoon phase. That is to say, I like to have it on me at all times, in case someone asks how to say “grapefruit” in French (the answer: “pamplemousse,” although I can’t pronounce it), or someone needs a timer for a quick game of Charades.

Last weekend I used a Fandango gift card, purchased tickets online, and took my confirmation number to the box office. No cash involved; no printing of tickets. That is what I call: a miracle of the times. Super convenient. And yes, it’s fun to be that “linked in.”

One thing I haven’t yet conquered: my fear of taking this brand new, very-expensive-to-replace toy into the bathroom with me. I have heard a thousand stories of people dropping their iPhones and their Androids into the toilet. Why on earth would you take that risk, people? My phone stays on my desk, where it belongs, until I come back from the bathroom, hands clean, and resume playing Words with Friends. (Which, by the way, is completely addicting. I’m sychela. Feel free to start a game with me.)

I want to go on record as saying that I do also manage to accomplish work things on it: for instance, right now I’m involved in a big social networking push as part of my job, so it’s nice to be able to have Twitter and Facebook and “checking in” places at my fingertips…something I couldn’t do on my little old regular cell phone.

But – there’s always a but – but, at the same time, I worry about my newfound dependence on this. I hear of people importing their entire calendar into their phone, their contact lists, their lives. What happens if it disappears? The good folks in charge have provided us with a contingency plan if the phone happens to become lost or stolen: simply sign into your account online, lock the phone, leave a message asking for its safe return, or if all is lost, you can remotely wipe all your data and give up the thing for dead.

But what should happen if the entire world, grown reliant on our handheld devices that are really no more than grown-up GameBoys that can also make phone calls, was suddenly struck by some kind of disaster? Unrelated to phone ownership, I’ve been reading a lot of Young Adult, post-apocalyptic books lately, and they’re always finding themselves in situations with no electricity, or no connectivity, or worse.

For the time being I have to just keep crossing my fingers and praying that an EMP doesn’t explode over the United States. If it does, I assume I’ll have worse problems than not being able to download the latest Angry Birds app. In the meantime I’ll just enjoy this phone, which, by the way, takes better pictures than some of the cameras I have owned in my lifetime.

And there’s probably an app to locate the nearest Costco, so I can stock up on canned food, bottled water, and paper products, just in case.

7/1/11 in the Lake County Record-Bee, available here for a limited time!

Categories
Drew Sleep talking

Talking While Sleeping, #11

Drew (from a dead sleep): NO! (Sits straight up)
Me (not at all asleep): What happened? Are you okay?
Drew: I swallowed all my letters.
Me: No, you’re okay.
Drew: I need some – do you have something liquidy? (Drinks all the water I have nearby.)

Okay, poor guy. No more playing Words With Friends right before bed.

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Uncategorized

Feminine Wiles

Over the weekend I went to get my eyebrows did.

I only started doing this a year ago, and I have to say I’m kind of hooked. My reasons for not doing it ranged from “I think it might hurt” to “What if they accidentally take the entire thing off?” to “Doesn’t it cost like $60?”

Then last June I went, kind of as a birthday present to myself, on the same day I got bangs. It was a whole girly-day-out thing.

And now I’m kind of hooked.

I have to admit, while at first I couldn’t stop admiring my new eyebrows in all the mirrors, I was a little annoyed when they started growing back in after a couple weeks. “Am I going to have to shell out $12 – plus tip – twice a month?” I demanded (of God, I guess). But I soon learned that I can do my own upkeep for at least a few more weeks after that, and I settled nicely into an every-6-weeks schedule.

What I like about it is that it’s reminiscent of a spa day, without actually breaking the bank or having to spend all day at a spa. I feel feminine doing it, it’s this nice thing I can treat myself to, and I do really like the way they look.

But oh, the pain.

I guess I repress it pretty well, because I keep going back, eagerly even. And yet, lying on that paper-covered table, ankles crossed nonchalantly, eyes closed, waiting for that hot wax, I have to ask myself…I’m paying someone to hurt me like this??

It’s really just the ripping across the bottom part of the eyebrow – closer to the thin, harmless eyelid skin – that kills me. I’m pretty good at not flinching. It has got to be frustrating to the esthetician to have someone come in, and then spend the entire time wincing and jerking away.

But when she finishes – with far less soothing ointment than I would put on, if I were doing this myself – and hands me the mirror, I’m always a little embarrassed when I finally open my eyes and they’re totally full of unwanted, involuntary tears. It’s not my fault! It’s a reflex! I really do enjoy being here!

Then I leave a nice big tip so she knows it’s not personal.

Categories
Celebrities Dreams Memoir Sentiment

Top 5 Memorable Moments

Sarah and Vinnie (a San Francisco radio morning show, that I probably spend too much time listening to) reported a recent poll from the UK, in which people listed the 5 most memorable experiences of their lives. Women and men actually had the same top 5, albeit in different orders.

(The poll and more info is here.)

On the radio show, they start by asking each other what their top 5 memorable moments are. I took that time to think of some of my own: getting married, sure. I’d like to say stage managing something – my first show, my first big show, my first NY show? Maybe seeing my first Broadway show?

I bet buying a house will be quite memorable when we get there one day; ditto having kids.

But “leaving home” doesn’t really feel like a single quantifiable act – when I left to go to college I was still basically living at home, and then it’s been a gradual purging, thanks to my parents, to get my stuff out of their house. I’d say that process is still ongoing.

And I’m not even sure what to count as my “first job.” I guess my first full-time adult job was Samuel French, and I do remember getting that job, so maybe that counts.

I intended to wrap this up with a really concise list of my most memorable life landmarks. I’ll just say:

  1. Moving to New York – and the second day when we took the train to Bryant Park and came up out of the subway and all my worried about moving, and my anxieties about how ugly Brooklyn was, melted away;
  2. Getting engaged – specifically the moment I realized what was going on, and by that time we were really into the actual proposal; and
  3. Getting married – after I was all dressed and everyone but the photographer had left the suite and Drew was going to come in, and I realized I didn’t have any of my jewelry on, and I had to shout through the door, “Wait, I need another sec, don’t come in yet!”

And that leaves me room for more things on my list. Because there’s lots of good stuff ahead!

Categories
Drew Sleep talking

Sleep Talking 10!

I was so excited when this happened last night – even though it was brief it was funny.

Drew: *indistinct mumbling*
Me: What’s that?
Drew: *indistinct* Gtine
Me: A…guillotine?
Drew: You made a guillotine.
Me: Pretty sure I didn’t.
Drew: Yes.

Categories
Books Technology

Super Sad True Love Story

I’m reading Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart. It’s called absurdist, a satirical romance, and “too funny for his own good.” So far, though, I’m just finding it freaky.

It’s futuristic, but just barely, and I think that’s the unsettling part. His descriptions of the world include:

  • technology: everyone wears a device that can instantly scan and be scanned by others, revealing your income, personality rating, hotness level, etc; and books are called “printed, bound media artifacts” (or “doorstops” in slang);
  • clothing: one of the hot new clothing items is a brand of jeans called “Onionskin” – they’re totally transparent; and
  • relationships: “Hey baby, let’s FAC” means “Let’s Form A Community” – basically, let’s have a conversation.

I like the story, and I am finding it entertaining and amusing, but at the same time it’s just too possible. It’s not hovercars and reading minds and people going into space…it’s the decline of the dollar, the increasingly “Big Brother” nature of the government, and the further dependency on gadgets and technology.

It’s a really appropriate book to be reading on this, Day 1 of my new life as a smartphone user. It’s been difficult to put the thing down today – although I definitely had work to get done – and since I got home Drew’s been playing on it. We may quickly become a 2-smartphone family. And isn’t it time? I mean, it’s 2011. Shouldn’t we get with the program?

Not to sound totally bi-polar, but it’s exactly that type of thinking – get with the program – that freaks me out even more. The world is changing so fast, and the rate at which it changes is picking up. (Pair that with the uneasy feeling I have about all these natural disasters that have been happening…and I am one paranoid girl.) 

When I was in middle school, all I wanted in the world was my very own landline. I finally got it, and was the happiest girl alive.

In fact, at one point in my early teens, my parents were redoing the floors in all the house except the bedrooms – so they had to move everything into those rooms. I somehow ended up with the TV and the VCR in my room. I remember spending one delightful evening sitting in my own bedroom, door closed, on my dial up internet (my personal landline), talking on the phone (the family’s landline), and watching movies.

Is there anything sweeter?

And yet…here I sit, wireless laptop on my knees, cell phone near by, all the channels I could possibly desire on the cable and movies galore available for streaming from Netflix, via my lightning fast internet. I can have this any time I want! But how could I have foreseen this? Or maybe I just didn’t care enough at the time to project what type of technology would be available to me in the future.

(How tangent-ful has this gotten? I’ve been going on long enough for Drew to get to the second world in Angry Birds.)

Sometimes I just want to stretch out on the couch in the silence, and read a good old-fashioned paperback. Not Super Sad True Love Story. Maybe some nice 1980s Stephen King.

Categories
Awesome Beginnings Family Tomato Work

Day 11: Expect more tweets.

My parents stopped by this afternoon. We did some catching up and they took me to my local Verizon store, where we picked up my first ever smartphone. I have now jumped on board the smartphone train! I honestly do think it’ll be really useful for work. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I see how this smartphone thing could become super addictive, super fast. Anyone want to play Words with Friends?

I mean, look up things for work?

Then we went out to dinner and sat there talking until 10:00. I miss my parents. They are significantly geographically closer to me than they were from 2006-2009. But I guess I still don’t see them enough.

PS. My basil is finally starting to grow. There are tiny tiny little sproutings. I’ll have to see how this goes. It’s very cold and windy right now, I feel sad for the plants stuck outside.

PPS. Just checked my weather app. For some reason the defaults are Cupertino and New York City. Looks like NYC is getting thunderstorms twice this week. I’m strangely jealous – those crazy summer thunderstorms are intense.

Categories
"Other people" My name Not awesome Technology

Day 8: Wrong number

Another phone call from a 916- number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is Joe there?”

“Nope, you’ve got the wrong number. Again.” (This is the third day in a row.)

“Oh, sorry, I’ll, uh, I’ll call another number.” Click.

…That is a great idea!

Categories
Awesome Drew Memoir

Day 5: A Normal Girl, An Awesome Birthday

So mostly today was just chill. I slept in, sat around reading, went to the gym, accidentally stole someone’s treadmill (totally not my fault), bought some fudgsicles, took a shower, washed some dishes, watered plants…

Then Drew came home and Facebooked me a Clue.

"Where could this be going?"

That started a 3-hour treasure hunt, that took us from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, to Sean Connery, to Milagra Ridge, to the Pacifica Pier, to Craigslist Missed Connections, to Barnes and Noble at Tanforan, to our closet.

It was a lot of walking outside in the wind.

But I found the first outside clue (at Milagra Ridge) pretty quickly.

I understood what “tadpole graveyard” was referring to…but that clue was well-hidden on another of the many Pacifica ridges.

After I finally figured it out, we trekked back to where the car was parked.

Next stop: Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealers FTW!

MISSED CONNECTION…I’ve never had a missed connection before! (Missed Connections is a section on Craigslist where you can put up a message for a stranger, maybe someone with whom you exchanged a meaningful glance on the street, in the hopes that they’ll read it and email you and you can fall in love. Or whatever.)

(Man, that table has become kind of a mess.)

Fun Fact: Drew has since gotten two responses to this ad, and neither of them are from me.

To Barnes and Noble!

While I looked through all the copies of A Streetcar Named Desire, a man perused the Shakespeare volumes on the higher shelf.

And as long as we’re at Barnes and Noble anyway, we might as well pick up a couple Stephen King books to round out my collection.

Then home, because I had to go through all these shoes…

And this laundry basket of socks…

To find my present: a passport! Well, everything I need to just go in and get my passport.

I’ve never had a passport, but I really want one. And it’s one of my 2011 New Year’s Resolutions to get one. But it’s one of those things that just kind of never gets done… Best birthday present ever! And best day ever! So much fun. And I’m glad Drew wanted to document the whole thing.

I probably don’t talk him up enough. Trust me – he’s the best. Like, ever.

Categories
Being a girl Fashion Work

Day 4 – Not a picture, but I make up for it with words

Yesterday, around 11:30 am
Hmm…look at those co-workers wearing dresses. I never wear dresses. What’s up with that?

Last night, around 9:00 pm
Yeah, I could definitely wear that one dress I bought at American Eagle like 2 years ago…I have worn it like two times ever. I should do it! I should wear it! I will wear it!

This morning, 8:30 am
Find spanx. Find strapless bra. Put on dress. Inspect self in mirror. Think, I can pull this off.

8:37 am
Hair dryer miraculously works again! Stop while drying hair and look in mirror again. Think, Is this too low-cut?

8:39 am
I could wear a real bra instead of a strapless bra?

8:40 am
This dress is too revealing for work. What will people think? Will they call me slutty?

8:41 am
This dress is not revealing. I am just a prude.

8:43 am
It’s not too late! I could still change! I have freshly washed jeans, and a brand new UCD hoodie. I hear them calling me.

8:45 am
I should be adult about this.

8:46 am
Besides, I have to take advantage of this nice weather before it turns again.

8:47 am
OMG, I hope the weather doesn’t turn bad again any time soon.

8:49 am
Tell self to focus – I have to leave soon. Inspect self for twentieth time this morning. Remember the white cami I bought two months ago expressly for the purpose of wearing under revealing dresses.

8:53 am
After trying to go through clean laundry bag nicely, get desperate and dump laundry all over couch. (Sorry, Drew.)

8:55 pm
Find white tank, do fastest living room quickchange ever, one last inspection in mirror. Approved! I mean, white cami looks kinda weird, but better than making work friends uncomfortable with low-cut dress.

10:00 am
Realize that wearing a dress to work? Not really a momentous occasion in most people’s lives. Adjust to life in a dress rapidly. Just like a skirt, that covers more of you!