Category: Being a girl

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Awesome Being a girl Dreams Drew Family Love Memoir Self improvement Sentiment

Seven Years

There’s an old wives’ tale that every seven years all the cells in your body have regenerated and replaced themselves, so every seven years you’re like a brand new person.

There’s another saying that relationships suffer from the “seven year itch,” and that you need to be careful at that point because that’s when many people re-evaluate their relationships, and break-ups or divorces happen.

(There’s also research to suggest that the “seven year itch” has become the “three year itch,” and that’s the year you really need to watch out for. Yikes. Three years? Apprently attention spans are shrinking…)

Internet rumors and Yahoo answers aside…this is on my mind because today is Drew’s and my seven year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that it’s only been seven years. I feel like it’s been forever. I couldn’t even buy alcohol when we first got together, and since then we’ve been through college graduations (a certain classmate graduating with each of us, in two different years!), two cross-country moves, pets, no pets, jobs, no jobs, tough times and easier times.

There were times for each of us that we weren’t sure it was going to work out. But that was early days, when we were both still figuring out the intricacies of relationships. By now we’ve learned how to weather storms and that most arguments are momentary and inconsequential. We’ve hit our stride. I could do this forever.

I’m probably not supposed to say this, but I’ve changed a lot in seven years, and it’s due to this relationship. Am I a whole new person? Possibly. Am I better person? Definitely. I’m more patient, quicker to be grateful, and less moody. And if I’m a little cattier…well, it’s all in good spirits. I like me now. I hope other people like me now too.

Happy Anniversary Drew! Here’s to seventy-seven more years! (Hope he reads this post. Otherwise this is kind of awkward.)

Bakers Square, Davis, Jan 2005
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"Other people" Being a girl Friends Memoir Writing

The Art of Bad Tipping

Over the holidays, some friends and I went out to dinner at a place that we have gone several times before. It was a late dinner, so although we had to wait for a table, the restaurant wasn’t full or bustling or anything. But the service was pretty terrible. We just kept waiting for things that should have appeared quicker. Things like a server, to take our orders.
 
Once we had our food (which was not delivered by the server, but by other food deliverers), one of us had to flag down a server (not our server) to ask for a spoon. About five minutes later, our server appeared with a spoon and said, “Oh, they already brought you one.” Then she wandered away.
 
My root beer mug sat empty, although the menu states in all caps, “FREE REFILLS,” through the last three-quarters of the hour we were there.
 
Once we were clearly finished eating, some bussers came and removed the plates…and then we sat and talked, which was nice, but that’s the appropriate point for a server to come back, ask if you’re interested in dessert or coffee or anything, and then drop off the check. We finally had to flag her down to ask for the check…and then again to pick up the check.
 
When it came time to write in a tip, the table was all in agreement that we should make some kind of statement with this optional dollar amount.
 
Which brings me to my main point – what’s the appropriate way to tip poorly, when you want to make it clear that you felt the service was below par? One person argued that we should leave a zero tip, because that leaves the clearest message. But I think that generally you should leave something so that they know that you chose to leave a small amount – and it’s not that you didn’t know about tipping, or maybe you meant to leave cash on the table or something.
 
I ended up leaving about 10%, which is pretty awful as far as tips go. But afterwards I was told unhesitatingly that I should have left a big fat zero. That 10% just makes it look like I am a bad tipper, but leaving no tip at all leaves the strongest message.
 
I’m really not sure where I stand on this. I usually tip pretty well, because I like the idea of positive reinforcement and I’m generally happy with the service. My generosity goes up if I frequent the business and if they start to recognize me. I don’t want to be the girl who never tips. And I remember working food service and how each time someone stuffed a dollar in the tip jar, it would just make my day.
 
I also hate to treat anyone badly if I don’t know their situation. Was our server just having an off night? Did her boyfriend just dump her? Was she up all night with some kind of home repair problem? Who knows? On the other hand, she is getting paid to do her job – that extra 20% of our table’s check isn’t guaranteed to her, and she knows that she has to work to get that optional money out of her customers.
 
She wasn’t overtly rude, and she didn’t make any mistakes. She didn’t blow cigarette smoke in our faces or bring us all the wrong meals. She was just absent the whole time. So what’s the best way to handle that TIP line on the credit card slip?
 
Retrospectively, I feel okay about that 10%. It’s not as harsh as leaving nothing, but I didn’t have to smilingly hand over a fistful of extra bills beyond what the meal cost. I hope she was just having a momentary lapse of concentration, and that today she is back in top form, slinging plates and scooping up gratuities.
 
I also hope that the next time we go back there, we’re seated in another section…something in the other room, perhaps? No? Well, we can just sit at the bar, thanks.

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Awesome Beginnings Being a girl Drew Endings Home improvements Memoir Nonfiction Sentiment Work

The Devolution of an Apartment

Because I missed the boat on having a comprehensive wedding blog (one of my top 5 regrets ever), I have become slightly obsessive about documenting everything just in case it’s important. Most lately, the devolution of our apartment.

Here it is near the beginning of the breakdown. The hutch is (mostly) emptied out but everything is basically still there:

As the hutch and dining room set move out, everything else starts moving around:

The bedroom and my awesome red shelves, now emptied of books. Well, almost:

The living room only seemed to grow more crowded as we packed, despite my giving away 6 bags of clothes/shoes/etc, and 2 boxes of kitchen stuff, and us throwing away tons of trash:

Possibly making some progress? The desk is gone from the bedroom:

The couches, now freed from their restraining covers, move their waterprint patterns out the balcony and over the side (no room to get them out the front door).

Drew blinds me with the dresser mirror. Maybe he’s tired of me taking pictures while he and his dad move the heavy stuff.

So much room!

Yet still so much stuff!

While Drew and his dad drove the couches to the storage, I made it my job to clean off the bed.

I liked to put blinders on and pretend that this was all that was left. Ignorance is bliss.

The truck filled with boxes:

Our stored stuff, filling up the space:

My plan was to open every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen that still had stuff in it, and close them as I emptied them out.

I got some boxes from work with some strange codes on them…

Progress!

Then a break to take pictures. The masks were mostly because I was using Easy Off in the oven, and that stuff is toxic. But then it was fun to just keep them on.

I am really loving this afternoon spent with my head in an oven. So fun.

Actually, this is preferable.

The final day. Seriously, what is all this stuff.

FINALLY! What a giant bedroom.

What a sparkling bathroom.

What an empty living room!

And of course, to say goodbye, San Bruno had to dress up in its finest.

So long, first apartment in our married life! You were a good little apartment! I will think of you fondly!

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Beginnings Being a girl cars Dreams Drew Exercise Food Home improvements Memoir Self improvement

Setting a routine

We’ve been in our new place for a week now. I can now say comfortably that I do not think we made the worst mistake ever moving out of our apartment. (That was a very real fear a couple times there.)

We’ve now had time to settle in, figure out what stuff goes where, and get used to sleeping in a new bed. We’ve each decided which shower we prefer. We’ve cooked meals in the kitchen. This morning I hosted our book club here and we made lunch for our four-person book club. (It was awesome.) (We should entertain more.)

We lived in the other place for over 2 years. I had a routine down. I knew exactly what I did every morning, and while it was a lot of back and forth from the living room to the bedroom to the bathroom to the bedroom, I knew what each step was and there was a very precise reason I did everything in that order.

But I have to kind of start over here. None of my stuff is in the order it used to be in, for one thing. For another, the bathroom where I shower is not the bathroom where I keep the hair dryer and everything. So there’s a lot more back and forth, because after 4 work days I still haven’t quite figured out what my exact routine is. There’s still a lot of, “What am I missing here?” It takes me a little longer to get out the door in the morning. Which is fine, since my commute is about cut in half.

Drew’s commute is about doubled, which makes our commutes about the same length of time now. Which is nice.

The good thing about getting a chance to recreate your routine, is that it allows you to build in some good stuff. I am trying to build the following things into my routine:

  • Healthier eating, specifically snacking – we’ve purchased a lot of fruit in the last week, and I’m also depending a lot on those frozen vegetables that you steam right in the microwave
  • Cooking dinner – in the last few weeks at the old place, we basically gave up cooking anything besides chicken nuggets on a baking sheet
  • Going to the gym on the way home from work – theoretically I can avoid the worst of rush hour if I wait it out in a spin class
  • More walks – it’s so pretty here, and there are lots of places to explore before hitting the library on the way home.

I also want to try to be more of an adult in 2012: meaning, I want to fold my clothes as soon as they’re clean* and make the bed every day and wash dishes as soon as they’re dirty. Honestly, I have less hope for these resolutions than for the others.

It’s fun to remake yourself every January 1st. And I feel like this year we get an extra boost to help facilitate that!

*I’m rolling my eyes as I write this, since I know that every single clothing item I own is freshly laundered but stuffed into a laundry bag on the floor somewhere. I guess I know what I’m doing tonight.

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Being a girl Drew Endings Memoir Sentiment Writing

2011 My Year In Status

Facebook does this thing I enjoy, where you can sort through all your status updates from the year and then it puts them into a pretty jpeg for you. The writing is a little small (that’s the first time I’ve ever said that!) but I still like the concept of seeing my entire year like this.

There are things I entirely forgot about – and lots of things that I totally thought happened over a year ago. This year was definitely not boring – but also not too eventful.

Unfortunately I couldn’t fit all of the statuses I wanted to. So here are a couple that I had to leave off, that I still enjoyed rereading and reminiscing:

  • First attempt at homemade lattes: aborted!
  • Just found out this play is called Seagull. Not The Seagull. Good to know. First preview tonight!
  • You know she’s your BFF when she texts you how much she loves you…in drunk Spanglish.
  • To the old woman sorting through the trash dumpster at 8am: I know you were most likely just looking for recyclables, or even treasures that some wasteful entitled person threw away…but you are the reason I’ve gotten all OCD about shredding all my personal documents.
  • Today is No Apologies Monday! Did you make a faux pas today? Don’t say you’re sorry! I was 10 minutes late to work…but I’m not sorry!
  • Things trending on Yahoo right now: HIV, M Night Shyamalan, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. #NoApologiesMonday
  • A word problem: If Safeway has a “Buy one, get two free” promotion…can two adults eat 3 lbs of strawberries before they go bad?
  • If USPS is going to “deliver” things by tossing them onto the balcony 3 days earlier than the expected delivery date, it’d be nice to get a heads up so I don’t leave the package out there in the rain all weekend.
  • I definitely thought the royal wedding was tomorrow. Who gets married on a Friday?? Was Westminster Abbey booked for another royal wedding tomorrow or something?
  • Jonathan Amores: a fervent enthusiast of good theater plays
  • Drew: Are we an item? Me: Yeah. Right? Drew: Eh, I don’t really believe in labels.
  • I ate so many jelly beans today. : (
  • From Tina Fey’s “Bossypants” – “In the “Great American Melting Pot,”…New York is that chunk of garlic that you bite into thinking it’s potato and you can’t get the taste out of your mouth all day. It all blends once you mix it, but sometimes you really have to grind it against the side.” I miss you, NYC!
  • I would really like to go up in a hot air balloon.
  • Finally used a Starbucks treat receipt! First time ever!
  • Drew: “We have a very important decision to make and I think we should both say what we think at the exact same time. Should we get a Christmas tree this year? We both say what we think on three. Ready…one…two…three–” Drew and me: “YES.” Drew: “–because it’s Christmas. Okay, good. So we’ll do that.”
  • I drove for 3 minutes in the carpool lane, before 9am when it’s open to all. Rebel!

I promise that’s the last of the 2011 retrospectives!

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Awesome Beginnings Being a girl Dreams Drew Endings Family Memoir Nonfiction Self improvement Sentiment Writing

2011 New Year’s Resolutions: Finis

Now is the time to look back on 2011 and see which of my New Year’s resolutions I accomplished. I’m happy to report that this year went pretty well!

1. Get off of unemployment

In June of 2010 I finished up a contract job at Marin Theatre Company, and I spent the remainder of the year patching together work from MTC, the San Francisco Opera, and reading for Samuel French, as well as supplementing with unemployment. While it wasn’t the tightest things have ever been around here, it was frustrating to be constantly thinking about trying to get enough hours among all the jobs. My number one priority as the year turned from 2010 to 2011 was to get off of unemployment. Which I did, basically right away, when I started subbing in January.

2. Get a career type job

Subbing was very interesting and I learned something, I’m sure. But it was obviously not for me. And like I said before, I was tired of cobbling together a living. My number two priority was to get a freaking real job, with stability and health benefits. Which I did in February! So far, 2011 resolutions are going great!

3. Lose 30 pounds

Oops.

4. Pay off at least one credit card

Oops again. Well, that was a tall order and I might have guessed that it wouldn’t happen.

5. Help Megan to have the best wedding ever

Done and done. I might add, I also helped Liz have the best wedding ever. A good year for weddings!

6. Change everything to my new(ish) last name.

The things I hadn’t yet changed over to my new last name (from my 2009 wedding) were my Mastercard, my gym membership, and three store credit cards. As of this morning I had changed my Mastercard and my gym membership. I planned on just moving this resolution to my “2012 resolutions” list, but then I had this big burst of inspiration, and so I spent some time on the phone this morning calling around and changing the rest of it. 2011 ftw!

I want to mention that every customer service representative I talked to said, “Congratulations on your recent wedding!” when I told them why I needed to change my name. I was too embarrassed to say, “Thanks, it was over 2 years ago.” How time flies.

7. Remember birthday cards for important family members this year

Well, unfortunately I had a couple lapses this year, and for that I am sincerely sorry. I have changed my system because having them in my planner is not working out as well as it used to – I’m just not in the planner often enough. I put the birthdays that keep slipping past me into my gmail calendar so that I’ll get a reminder 2 weeks out, so I can actually get something in the mail in time. 2012 will my card-sending, offending-no-one year.

8. Get a passport!

Thanks to Drew and the scavenger hunt he arranged for my birthday, I am now the proud owner of a passport. And I used it to fly to New York in October, so I know it works.

9. Write!

This was broken down into 5 categories to make it more quantifiable:

  • Script Frenzy in April
  • Submit to Samuel French Off-off-Bway Festival in July
  • Nanowrimo in November (I made the conscious decision to stay sane this November)
  • Blog 100 times over 2011 (the actual number is 168 public posts, counting this one)
  • Look into a Record-Bee column (I actually submitted about four of these)

I’m feeling pretty good about this year! So it’s time to start making me some 2012 resolutions. While I ponder over those and try to make them as specific and achievable as possible…let me know what your biggest resolution is!

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Being a girl Nonfiction Not awesome Self improvement

A Victory in Battle

I can trend towards germophobia. I’m much, much better than I was in New York (“oh no germs everywhere!”) but I still wash my hands a lot and I don’t like touching door handles and I take my shoes off at home and I purell everything after putting gas in the car.

But every so often, a lightbulb comes on over my head and I realize some thing I do every day is probably totally covered in germs.

Communal M&M bowl at work, with everyone’s fingers in it all day? Oops. (But come on…cinnamon M&Ms!)

The lock on a bathroom stall – you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to process that this is not just touched by me when I come in with clean hands…but by everyone leaving the stall, who invariably all have disgusting germy hands!

And my latest one, that I really just realized yesterday: Coke cans.

It looks so smug. But I know the truth now.

That lip you drink from, where drops of soda always collect…I mean, who hasn’t grabbed a can of Coke at a picnic and wiped off that part, because it’s dusty or damp with condensation or it’s just a force of habit? But yesterday I realized – that is a part of the OUTSIDE of the can. That part is exposed to the world, to the factory machines, to grimy people handling it, to dogs…maybe licking it? Maybe? Who knows what’s been happening to it in the time it took for this can to get from the factory to the Jolly King liquor store where I bought it?

 On the other hand, I’m also aware that you need to come in contact with germs on a regular basis in order to keep your immune system healthy.
 
So I drank that entire can. And I loved it. And it made me strong.
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Beginnings Being a girl Books Friends Self improvement

Book Club

I have this kind of bossy friend. And she has taken it upon herself to organize a book club among several people in the Bay Area, who haven’t managed to get it together amongst ourselves. There are five of us – four girls and one guy.

 (I was going to write “women and man,” but that felt really weird, so I changed it back. “Girls and guy” feels okay – although it’s more awkward written out than it would be if I just said it. I always wonder what to say. “Chicks and dude.” “Ladies and gent.” I don’t know.)

Four of us are XX and one is XY. We live all up and down the peninsula. We are all busy enough that we needed this one kind of bossy friend to make us all commit to doing this thing.

The rules are: we trade off choosing books, and you have to choose something that no one has read yet.

Our first book is Divergent by Veronica Roth – a young adult book along the same dystopian themes as Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games. (Speaking of The Hunger Games, have you seen the trailer yet?? The movie comes out in March and my coworkers and I can’t wait!) Divergent is about a society in which everyone is divided into factions: Amity (the peaceful), Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Erudite (the intelligent), and Dauntless (the brave). You choose your faction when you’re 16 and factions are stronger than blood. If you fall out of a faction (the factionless), you’re essentially homeless and you have very little food and clothing and you have a sucky job.

I do think she is sort of jumping on the Hunger Games bandwagon – but better that than the Twilight bandwagon, amirite?

I haven’t had much time to read yet – but so far I really, really like it. I think it’s going to make for some very interesting conversation when we finally get it together and all five of us sit down and talk about our feelings. I’ve been trying to figure out what faction I would choose, and I currently have no idea. I mean, I’m only 125 pages in (out of almost 500). It makes the main character very sympathetic.

I’m pretty stoked about having a book club. I have been wanting to have one – but not wanting necessarily to join someone else’s and abide by their rules and choices. The kind of bossy leader of our club says that it’s my turn to choose next. I’m debating between Barbara Kingsolver’s Prodigal Summer and Augusten Burroughs’ Possible Side Effects or something completely different.

I’m open to suggestions – although I think Augusten Burroughs would be really fun for everyone. Book club ftw!

(Sorry, you-know-who, I kid. Your bossyness is great! Love you!)

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Awesome Beauty Beginnings Being a girl Endings Fashion Food Friends Love Memoir Self improvement Sentiment Work

Megan’s Bachelorette!

Megan wanted to go into New York City for her bachelorette party. So 2 days before the wedding, 9 girls piled into a limo and prepared to take the Big Apple.

2 Ms of Honor, 5 bridesmaids, 1 friend, and 1 bride!

It was about a two hour drive into the city, with one stop for orange juice (to mix with the champagne we’d brought) and another bathroom/snack stop (the first of many of the day).

The limo dropped us at Astor Place, where everyone grabbed some pizza to get us through until dinnertime. Then we walked down to our East Village nail salon, called Blush – a place I would highly recommend (I really need to write them a Yelp review).

I love this picture!

I originally wanted a French manicure, but ended up just getting a regular one with a super pearly pale white color. I really liked it – and the whole thing was worth it for the cuticle cleaning up and the hangnail clipping. Man, I love that.

A success!

After our salon time, we walked back to Astor Place to catch an N train to Times Square. A couple of the girls had never seen New York City, so we checked out Times Square, including the M&M store and the Hershey store.

Then we walked over a block to Megan’s favorite New York restaurant, La Masseria.

After that we wandered through Times Square, and down to 42nd Street. We went into Dave & Busters to find a bathroom, then we heard from the limo driver that he was trying to get back into the city but was stuck in traffic. So we decided to walk back up to Toys ‘R’ Us to ride on the ferris wheel. But we all got separated, so 6 of them went on the ferris wheel and 3 of us ended up watching.

Then, Megan realized she was missing her phone, so her cousin Emily called it about 20 times until someone answered. Turned out it was back at Dave & Busters. Then the limo driver called and was going to meet us at 42nd and Broadway. So I grabbed Megan and said, Let’s run back to Dave & Busters, the two of us can go really quickly. So we dashed back and got her phone, then back to the limo.

He drove us downtown past the Freedom Tower (I’m still not totally sure why) and then back to Connecticut. We got back to Mindi’s house and drank and talked and ate Cheez-its and played with her kitten. Then around 1:30 we divvied up the sleeping places (I got the couch!) and passed out.

The next morning it was back to the hotel via Dunkin Donuts breakfast, and then lots more to do before the rehearsal dinner Friday night!

A muy successful bachelorette party: a great salon, a great dinner, NYC fun, and Megan even got her lost phone back!

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Beginnings Being a girl Dreams Drew Friends Love Memoir Writing

To Megan and Dennis and Their Nuptials

Think of this as the toast I meant to write for Megan’s wedding, but then I double-checked the division of labor between me (the matron) and the maid of honor, and saw that she was meant to give a speech about Megan, and I was meant to give a speech about marriage.

I debated just writing a speech about whatever I wanted – after all, what bride even remembers anything from her own wedding? – but Drew was adament that I shouldn’t talk about myself AT ALL. No one wanted to listen to me ramble on about in-jokes and cliche platitudes.

So I listened to him, because he’s always right (right?), and I’m very happy with the way my 45-second toast ended up.

But think of this as the toast I would have written, if I didn’t have someone around to direct me straight (and tell me I wasn’t allowed to talk for 10 minutes).

Hi, I’m Syche, Megan’s matron of honor, and I want to talk about Facebook.

Megan and I were college roommates in our freshman year at UC Davis. This was actually before Facebook. We did have AIM though. I have a million great memories from the dorms: Riding our bikes to the Great Wall of China with our 2 guy friends for every single birthday or “special” dinner (we always got the same family meal). Hanging out with just the Christmas lights on. Trying to make cookies in the sparse dorm kitchen. A road trip to San Francisco. Megan’s taping up vocab words all over the walls (this was back when she was still an English major, before she abandoned me for a real career). The Merry Wives of Windsor. Biking to Baskin-Robbins to buy ice cream cakes for people’s birthdays. Megan’s weird butterfly chair, and the blanket with the stars all over it. How annoying it must have been for her when I insisted on completely changing the layout of my half of the room for every quarter.

We accomplished a lot without Facebook to distract us.

We sort of drifted apart for the next three years, and would only run into each other sometimes on campus and say hi. Then we graduated and I moved to New York and she started law school, and we really lost touch. At some point, we became Facebook friends though. And this is where it gets really romantic.

In late fall/early winter of 2008, I was moonlighting as a “room monitor” at an NYC theatre company near Union Square. “Room monitoring” basically meant unlocking the room, turning on the lights, and then reading or messing around on the internet while whatever outside group used the awesome rehearsal space, then turning off the lights and locking the room. I’m pretty sure one time, I actually took a nap. (Shh)

It was during one such shift that I was Facebook stalking Megan, and saw that she had written this huge FB note called “Musings of a Christian “No on 8″ Voter.” It was (is) super long, and I read the entire thing. She talked about people calling themselves Christians but doing un-Christian things, and how difficult it was for her that the people who raised her and with whom she had already aligned herself – were on the other side of the “Prop 8” debate. And she talked about how it was breaking her heart.

I couldn’t believe the things she was saying – they were so much like the things I thought, and so different from what I would have expected from my old roomie. I emailed her immediately telling her that I agreed, and talking some more about some different interpretations of those good old Bible passages.

She didn’t get back to me right away, but a few weeks later she emailed me a massive email (I have since gotten used to Megan’s massive emails!). From then on it was a downhill slide into one of the best friendships that I’ve ever had. She moved to New York that spring and we spent a glorious few months together until I moved back to California – walking and shopping and eating and talking and commiserating and drinking and cementing our friendship. And that brings me back to my main point, which is that we have Facebook (and, I suppose, Prop 8, in a weird way) to thank for all this.

It’s funny, because I believe – unless I am remembering this wrong – Facebook is the way Megan got in touch with Dennis in 2009, years after they interned together in DC, to ask if she could crash on his couch for a couple days – and then she just never left. So they also have Facebook to thank for this entire thing. And we all have Facebook to thank for the incredible wedding and party that they threw.

Megan, I adore you, and I hope you know that. Remember when we met Julia across the hall from us, and we both thought, “Um, it’s not fair that she’s super pretty AND super smart”?  Well, that’s you too – you’re brilliant and beautiful, and I am so happy that we’re friends. I was completely honored to stand next to you at your wedding. Love you!!

Ooh! This happens to be my 250th post ever! A very special post indeed!