Category: “Other people”

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"Other people" Not awesome Technology

Fail at life

Okay, maybe I’m being a little harsh.

But I don’t think so.

Today, The Hunger Games posted this picture on Facebook:

It’s nice, right? I mean, it’s kind of a cool poster. People seemed to like it. I think it’s fine.

But Jonathan and I started reading all the comments, and making fun of them. The most random and ridiculous we hit “like.” Some of them were composed of text speak and annoying symbols (~~~*** etc). One of them was like a chain letter in a comment. (We totally followed the instructions, although we didn’t post it on 15 other people’s walls.)

But then this comment popped up:

Uggghhhhhh…this comment really bothers me for some reason. I think it’s partly the combination of absolutely no punctuation (except for the 4-dot ellipse), spelling errors (kmovie), text speak (idk), and blatant ignorance (“are ready” = “already”). But the icing on the cake is that “there were like this big dogs or something,” but, despite this being the climax of the movie, she didn’t really get what was going on.

And yes, I understand that the kids commenting on this FB post are probably all like 14 years old. But since when is that an excuse? This is still life. You can’t get through life like that.

Is this really the generation that’s going to be in charge in a few decades?

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"Other people" Books Celebrities Fashion Not awesome Self improvement

50 Shades of Awful

I get kind of worked up about bad writing. Particularly about bad writing that makes all the bestseller lists. Especially when this bad writing really serves no purpose. And when everyone is talking about it, even though they all admit it’s bad.

The worst is when I secretly want to read it, just in case I’m missing out on something big.

But no. I will not succumb.

When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey, I wanted to see what all the hype was about, even knowing right off the bat that it was housewife erotica, and then finding out it was based off of a Twilight fanfiction – ugh. On Amazon, the first two chapters of the book were available for reading online, so I sat down and spent 20 minutes with Anastasia.

Oh. Good. Gravy. From that oh-so-purple way of getting the first-person narrator to describe herself (by staring in the mirror and bemoaning how “unattractive” she is – spoiler alert, she’s bee-you-tee-ful!) to the horrific exclamations (“Holy crap!” etc), this is one of the worst things I’ve read. And people are eating this up? Because…it claims to be erotic? For the record, there wasn’t any of that in the first couple chapters, but I could see where it’s going. And it’s nowhere good.

The articles I’ve read about the book(s – there are three of them) since then have all been making fun of it and talking about how bad it is. The reviews I’ve heard have been mostly, “Meh, it’s all right, but it’s not very good.” So why is this thing doing so well?

The only thing I can do is keep promising myself that I will not spend any money to read it. And that I will not succumb and get it from the library either. (Getting erotica from the library…ew?)

But this is my PSA so that hopefully no one else gets sucked in to this terrible writing. Don’t do it, people! Here is a list of other good series that would be way more worth your time:

  • The Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins
  • The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
  • Harry Potter by JK Rowling
  • The Green Mile by Stephen King (a serialized novel – kind of a cheat)
  • Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery
  • Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
  • The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
  • A Song of Ice and Fire (A Game of Thrones, etc) by George RR Martin
  • The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
  • Earth’s Children (The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc) by Jean M Auel
  • Dexter by Jeff Lindsay

Just a list of ideas, running the gamut from children to YA to adult. I’m kinda just pulling this off of my shelves, so I know there’s a lot that’s not represented. (Let me know if there’s a series you feel I should include!)

For the record, this article about Fifty Shades of Grey from Vulture is kind of hysterical. (Also kind of graphic, so maybe not for everyone.)

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"Other people" cars Children Memoir Nature Not awesome

Whining on Board

Dear people on the internet,

Why do you take such offense against these little yellow Baby on Board stickers that hang in car windows?

I mean, I kind of get it. I used to be one of you. I assumed that the sticker was there as a way to tell me to slow down and drive more carefully around the baby. I thought that was the equivalent of a mom shushing me in a public area where I should be allowed to talk freely, just because her child was sleeping. (In both cases, I should probably just restrain myself a little better. But also in both cases, I disliked having a stern stranger tell me what to do.)

Here’s a little story: once in high school, I was driving from Lakeport over to Fort Bragg. Between Willits and Fort Bragg is a 30-mile stretch of winding road through the trees – it’s gorgeous, but it’s one lane, with a single passing lane available about 10 miles in from the coast. There are plenty of places to pull over and let someone pass you, though.

Photo from http://www.trazzler.com

I was stuck behind a car rattling along with a Baby on Board sticker. This car would not pull over, no matter that it had been nearly 20 miles, which was unbearable to me, a teenager in a 2-door car with a stick shift. Finally we approached the passing lane, which incidentally was on an uphill stretch, and as I moved over to pass…the jalopy sped up! I barely made it past them, and then I continued on my way…at which point that car tailgated me for the remaining 10 miles of the trip.

I reached the coast and pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store…where the jalopy pulled up behind me, parking me in, and an irate woman got out and began yelling at me about “almost running her off the road” and how she had “a baby in the backseat.” All I could do was stand there in shock (I have never been good at confrontation) – but what I wanted to snap back was that she had plenty of chances to let me pass, she didn’t have to speed up while I was passing her, and she certainly didn’t have to speed up in order to follow me the rest of the way.

So. She was crazy, and should not have behaved that way. Because of her I am now totally paranoid about being followed and trapped in a parking lot, and I always have a contingency plan if I think someone is tailing me.

But, here’s what I started out to say. I realized something, many years later.

The Baby on Board sticker is not there to tell you what to do: it’s just to alert you, the other driver, that the car with the baby is likely to drive slower, more cautiously, and to view yellow lights as “stop now” signals rather than “go very fast.” So if you need to adjust for that, then feel free. I’ll be here, in the right hand lane, signaling carefully and going the speed limit.

Hope this helps, whiny people on the internet!

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"Other people" Being a girl Dollars Memoir My name

Change is inevitable

Among my habits that annoy Drew, “saving” is probably pretty high up there. I “save” all kind of things. I save up recycling rather than throwing it away, even though we don’t have a recycling dumpster at our new place. (C’mon… seriously? This is California!) I often have a box going for stuff (clothes, books, anything really) that I mean to take to Salvation Army or Goodwill…eventually.

And I have this irrational fondness for collecting coins for months in an old Nesquik container. Then one night, I dump them out on the carpet and watch TV and roll them into actual, exchangeable piles of money.

We had some rolled coins still sitting around from a few months ago, and then a bunch of new loose coins. So the other night, I flopped down on the carpet to roll the rest of them, and Drew sat down with me. I don’t know if he enjoys it at all, or if he just recognizes the value in turning this sort-of-forgotten money into bank-account money.

We ended up with $65 altogether – $10 in quarters, $10 in nickels, $10 in pennies (this is weird, right?), and $35 in dimes. That’s right. Those skinny little dimes, that I don’t always bother to pick up when they fall on the ground, added up to $35.

I took this Safeway bag full of money into the bank this morning, where shifty-eyed tellers immediately assessed my intentions and each tried to pass me off to the next person. The first guy said, “Tell you what we’re going to do, my coworker over there is going to help you because I have to…go do something.” (Seriously.) Then the girl he passed me off to said that her drawer wasn’t big enough for all of it, so I’d have to go over there. The third guy had been sneaking a look at a text message and so he didn’t have any excuse ready to go, and he wound up dealing with me.

But here’s what I want to know: is it so weird that I do this? I mean, it’s money. What am I supposed to do, go to a Coinstar and let them take almost 10% of it? That’s $6 saved right there.

And this is a bank. This is a branch of one of the biggest banks in America, and I’ve been a customer there for 10 years. So what if once a year I come in and make someone count rolls of change? It’s just counting. You learn that ish in elementary school.

To add insult to injury, the guy finished up our conversation by telling me how my name should be pronounced, which I’ve decided is one of the most annoying things that people persistently do. I don’t tell you that your name is spelled wrong, Kriss. So how about you give me my receipt for my $65, and let me get out of here.

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"Other people" Being a girl Home improvements Memoir

Missing: Very Small Reward

We cannot find our can opener. Despite the fact that we have TWO of them. Despite the fact that Drew swears he’s seen one of them somewhere in the new apartment since we moved in. But we seriously cannot find either. We have been through the entire apartment several times – usually every time we forget and buy non-pull-top cans at the grocery store – and still nothing.

What’s a girl to do? I mean, I have this Anderson’s pea soup, and I can’t touch it. That’s a tragedy right there.

I think I’m going to have to go buy a new one. As soon as I do that, both of the original ones will pop up again. Then we’ll have three, and this problem will never happen again.

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"Other people" Being a girl Theatre

The Art of Avoiding Eye Contact

Drew and I went to a show at a theatre company some time this weekend, and in the lobby I noticed someone with whom we are both familiar. Let’s call this person Pat. I said to Drew, “Hey, Pat’s over there,” and he said, “Did you say hi?” and I said, “No,” and he said, “I don’t need to say hi.”

Then we went and sat down, and after a minute he grabbed my arm and I intuited (from years of having things like this happen) that Pat was now behind us. About a minute before the show was about to start Pat crossed the theatre and I said, “Don’t worry, s/he can’t hurt you now.” But then Pat ran back over and sat down in Pat’s seat very near to where we were sitting.

At intermission we went and hung out outside (and chatted with the ASM on the show who is a friend of mine), and then we went back inside. I don’t know how, during all this, Pat and I never managed to make eye contact, but we didn’t. By the end of intermission when everyone was settled back in our seats I started pondering if Pat was also avoiding eye contact with us as much as we were with Pat.

The show ended, applause ensued, and we took off in order to try to get back through San Francisco on a Sunday night (rarely a small feat). I never said hi to Pat; Pat never said hi to us. For all I know, Pat has no idea we were there, breathing the same air. But I find it more likely that we were all in agreement that a hello wasn’t really necessary.

I guess that’s the world we live in now.

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"Other people" Being a girl Friends Memoir Self improvement Technology

Facebook, right ahead!

First, I’d like to mention that Titanic is out in theatres again and I’m pretty psyched. I kind of really want to go see it. Titanic is an awesome movie, and I only hope that they didn’t ruin it by putting it in 3D.

Seriously. I just googled “Titanic screen shots” to find something appropriate, and every single picture made me think, “Oh, I love that part of the movie!” If you haven’t seen it lately (like, since it came out in the mid-90s) you should definitely check it out now.

In other news, I’ve been thinking a lot about what will happen on Sunday. Sunday is Easter. Easter means a lot of things to me, and I like it a lot. But this year specifically, Easter means my return to Facebook. And I’m no longer sure how I feel about that.

This morning on Sarah and Vinnie, Vinnie said:

“People say ‘That’s not real life.’ But Facebook IS real life. That’s where real life is happening. Every day I see people run to Facebook to post something important about their life. Or not important.”

Very apropos, since I’ve been thinking about how to handle this return to “real life.” I might have to do this in a list format.

On the one hand: I am starting to not miss it. I definitely don’t miss getting irritated by updates from people I don’t like. And I don’t miss having to keep up with everything that everyone posts.

On the other hand: It is a great way to keep in touch with people I don’t regularly speak with. Like far-flung cousins or old family friends. Also, sometimes we use it for work purposes.

On the other hand: I am enjoying the ignorance of not knowing certain things.

On the other hand: I don’t want to be “that guy” who has to tell everyone, “Oh, I don’t have a Facebook.” What’s next? “I don’t have a TV” or “I don’t have a cell phone”? (No, never either of those things.)

On the other hand: What if I have some piece of critical information to share? Drew and I are currently moving into a new apartment. It’s kind of exciting. But how is anyone going to know that without Facebook?

On the other hand: Who needs to know about that? Besides people who will come visit, who will probably ask me for the address beforehand?

On the other hand: Okay, so what if I had some other kind of news to share? And rather than sending mass emails or trying to text everyone, I just want to drop one Facebook post and be done with it?

On the other hand: Would I not be doing that just to get attention? And I certainly don’t want to go back to pandering for likes or comments. Also, isn’t that kind of why I have  a blog?

So, I guess I haven’t really decided anything. Except that I need to figure out when I can go see Titanic.

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"Other people" cars Exercise Sports

Chasing Cars

Yesterday, when I left for work, a man came out of an apartment opposite me and crossed to a car two spaces away from mine. I paid attention to him because I was mentally calculating a) whether I would be out of the space behind his car by the time he pulled out; and b) whether I might be able to get out of my parking spot before he got of his. But he was moving pretty quickly, and he jumped in his SUV and drove away.

As I got into my car, a woman ran (not jogged) from the same direction as he had, and chased after his car. She looked kind of angry. Not like, “Darling, you forgot the lunch I packed you!” angry, but more like, “I can’t believe you bailed in the middle of our argument and are now driving away” angry. She chased him through most of the parking lot and then gave up and went back inside.

Last night, when I got home, a car was leaving the parking lot. As I parked, I watched a stocky guy come around the corner and then chase after the car. Not in an angry way – he kind of had this look on his face like, “I look stupid, and I’m wearing pajamas and it’s wet out here.” He jogged after the car around the corner, and then I didn’t see him come back, so I’m hoping he caught up. I wonder if I should have done something to help him. I could have honked maybe?

Anyway. Two people chasing cars in a 12-hour time span. Is this a sign of something? Should I get a dog? I don’t know.

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"Other people" Being a girl cars Nonfiction Not awesome

A Dashed-Off Motorcycle Rant

Today I saw a motorcycle zoom all the way up a line of traffic waiting at a stop light, cut into the left turn lane (which was actually in the process of turning), weave to the inside of the lane, and then flip a u-turn and speed away.

Why are motorcycles allowed to break traffic laws and behave carelessly? It’s just a question I have.

The way I understand it is that at one point in history, the motorcycle engines were cooled by air, so that’s why they were allowed to weave between stop-and-go traffic – because if they also had to sit and wait (heaven forbid) then their engines would overheat. But – the way I understand it – air-cooling is not the case anymore.

It’s not the egregious speeding on open freeways that bothers me. It’s not the weaving through stopped traffic – I mean, we’d all do that if we could, am I right? But when traffic is traveling, but slightly heavy, I still see motorcycles cutting dangerously close to other cars, and that bothers me. Because if you cut in toward a car in front of me, and that car swerves a little and knocks you into my lane, and you end up flying into my windshield, I’m going to be traumatized for life, and possibly injured.

Okay. That’s all I wanted to say. Motorcycles, I think you look dangerous, albeit sort of cool. But not cool enough to make it okay for you to traumatize and possibly injure me.

Update: Open Letters, a (hilarious) tumblr of open letters to randoms, totally did a motorcycle one a month ago, LOL.

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"Other people" Awesome Celebrities Memoir Nonfiction Theatre

An Expert at Life

Almost a year ago, I had this great experience with a wacky usher at the theatre. She inspired such quotes as “The carny life is a rough life,” and yes, Drew and I still say that to each other on occasion.

Well, she’s been at the theatre again the last couple times I’ve been there, and she’s been the most helpful usher in the entire world. That is sincere. She’s also been slightly less talkative, partly because she’s gone in and watched the show both times and so we’ve only had pre-show and intermission to chat, and it tends to get busy then.

But I did hear some stories last night, among them “Situational Comedy” and “My Time in Taxco.”

So, I wasn’t sure of the definition of situational comedy, so I Googled it. Then I got onto the wiki page for sitcoms. Sitcoms are popular in the US and the UK, but fare poorly in Australia and Canada. Some successful Australian sitcoms are My Name’s McGooley, What’s Yours? and Our Man in Canberra. Canadian sitcoms include Snow Job, Check It Out!, Mosquito Lake, and Not My Department.

I found this interlude amusing, and I still don’t know whether that counts as situation comedy. But I also don’t really care anymore.

She’s right, you know. This is not meant to be a swipe at Bay Area theatre, but you cannot see 7 shows in 5 days all over the Bay and not have them blend together. There needs to be more spacing out. For me, two per weekend is kind of my limit.

Everyone knows the exception is when you go to New York and have to cram a season’s worth of shows into a week. But really, that’s not ideal either. That was maybe the best thing about living there – seeing everything at a more leisurely pace, and waiting for discounts and free tickets to appear.

Anyway, those are your lessons for today. Canada and Australia aren’t as good at sitcoms as the US and the UK; and if you try to see too much in too little time, it all blends together. You’re welcome!