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This weekend, Drew had to wrap a large box, which contained Jocelyn’s wedding shower present. You’d think it would have been a pretty simple procedure. You’d be wrong.

Step 1: Go to Target to buy wrapping paper.
Drew: “Which one do you like?”
Syche: “I like this purple one, it goes with her wedding colors.”
Drew: *selects the yellow and white patterned paper*

Step 2: While at Target, look for ribbon.
Syche: “What about this blue and purple bow?”
Drew: *selects plain black ribbon*

Step 3: Later that day, start wrapping.
Drew: “I’m nervous because the box is so heavy, you know how when you set it down the corner of the box can tear the paper.”
Drew: *oh-so-gently sets down box on paper*
Drew: “I tore it.”

Step 4: Wrap box. Discover the paper leaves a gap at one end of the box.

Step 5: Decide to wrap box twice.

Step 6: Run out of wrapping paper.

Step 7: Set box against wall until tomorrow, when you can go back to Target and obtain more paper.
Drew: “What the– it’s see-through!”

Step 8: Decide you definitely have to double-wrap.

Step 9: Go to Target at 8am on a Sunday, because that’s just what time you’re up these days. Take the baby so he can help you. Let your wife stay in bed. Bring her a latte, because you’re the best!

Step 10: Wrap box a second time. When you’re almost done, run out of Scotch tape.

Step 10.5: Consider other types of tape (gaff tape, spike tape, duct tape, even glo tape). Go steal Scotch tape from your parents’ house. Because 3 trips to Target to wrap one present is too many.

Step 11: Realize ribbon can only go around box once, not twice. YouTube videos of how to prettily wrap ribbon one time around a box. Realize you just…wrap the ribbon around the box, and tie a bow.

Step 12: Spend 10 minutes doing so.

Step 13: That afternoon, check three times that you remembered to put the box in the car for the drive to Stockton. Because forgetting it after all that would just be too much.

Step 14: Drive to Stockton. Not too much traffic. Baby sleeps the whole way. Put on the Into the Woods soundtrack and sing along enthusiastically. Do all the voices. Have a great time at the shower. Watch your friend lose her freaking mind from excitement when she opens the box. There may be happy tears. Afterwards, let the baby sleep the whole way home while you sing along to Wicked. Get home, eat cookies, call it a great day, and go to bed.

I have been watching this for a few weeks as it got close, but then I still missed it when it happened. But here’s to 30,000 views!

Perhaps this is a good time to say, I am really trying not to neglect anything here. But since I can’t deny that my posting frequency has gone down, I hope that you can just grin and weather this time with me. I’m easily distracted in the best of times, so you can imagine what it’s like having an infant around.

All I can think about lately is how absent I’ve been. I have very few blog posts this month – I mean, I’m barely holding on to that “once a week” thing. I totally failed at Script Frenzy…oops. I had this New Year’s Resolution to write a newspaper article and a short story every month – which lasted January and February. I was flipping through a local community college’s summer catalog today, looking at the writing classes, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to pay hundreds of dollars for 3 units of community college credit that I don’t even know is going to be tailored to what I want.

But it’s not a good idea to broadcast your failure, so I won’t talk about all that. Instead, I’ll just give you some random things.

My book club’s next book, which we are meeting about on May 12th but which I just got on Friday, is called Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality. This could either be really interesting, or really annoying. I will begin reading that later tonight, hopefully.

My friend Sam just went on a family trip to Japan and brought back this dragon for me and Drew.

Our baby will be born in the year of the Dragon, which I understand to be the best year. (I never paid any attention to these things when I was just a Rat.)

In general, pregnancy is going well. This week starts the fifth month, which is crazy to think about. If we were going to be finding out the sex, that would be around the corner. This weekend we went and worked on our registry, which was really fun, but much more complicated and time-consuming than registering for wedding gifts. Instead of just saying “I like this,” we have to say, “Which brand is better? What type of carrier do we want? Does this have good ratings?” It’s intimidating. But I had fun. And I definitely feel like we made some progress.

Next weekend, Drew, Erin, 5 other people, and I are walking as a team in the Arthritis Foundation’s big annual walk. It’s a 5K in San Francisco, and as a team we raised over $1000. I am very happy we reached our goal and looking forward to the walk (which we have talked about following up with burritos, to celebrate Cinco de Mayo…).

Today Erin, Sam, and I went and had lunch and got manicures in Burlingame. My nails are now bright blue (OPI’s “No Room for the Blues”). I like it, because it’s eye-catching, but it’s the first time since high school I’ve had nails this bright and unnatural. I always pick “light pink” or “sparkly pink” or “light sparkly pink.” This blue looks like candy and makes me feel very summery. Up next: pedicures to match!

Last year I made up this “Post a day May” thing for myself, and I’m going to do that again this year. Try to get myself back on track. I’ve just been kind of distracted lately. But I’ll make it up to you by writing a poem sometime in the next 5 weeks. Enjoy the suspense!

Over the weekend I went to get my eyebrows did.

I only started doing this a year ago, and I have to say I’m kind of hooked. My reasons for not doing it ranged from “I think it might hurt” to “What if they accidentally take the entire thing off?” to “Doesn’t it cost like $60?”

Then last June I went, kind of as a birthday present to myself, on the same day I got bangs. It was a whole girly-day-out thing.

And now I’m kind of hooked.

I have to admit, while at first I couldn’t stop admiring my new eyebrows in all the mirrors, I was a little annoyed when they started growing back in after a couple weeks. “Am I going to have to shell out $12 – plus tip – twice a month?” I demanded (of God, I guess). But I soon learned that I can do my own upkeep for at least a few more weeks after that, and I settled nicely into an every-6-weeks schedule.

What I like about it is that it’s reminiscent of a spa day, without actually breaking the bank or having to spend all day at a spa. I feel feminine doing it, it’s this nice thing I can treat myself to, and I do really like the way they look.

But oh, the pain.

I guess I repress it pretty well, because I keep going back, eagerly even. And yet, lying on that paper-covered table, ankles crossed nonchalantly, eyes closed, waiting for that hot wax, I have to ask myself…I’m paying someone to hurt me like this??

It’s really just the ripping across the bottom part of the eyebrow – closer to the thin, harmless eyelid skin – that kills me. I’m pretty good at not flinching. It has got to be frustrating to the esthetician to have someone come in, and then spend the entire time wincing and jerking away.

But when she finishes – with far less soothing ointment than I would put on, if I were doing this myself – and hands me the mirror, I’m always a little embarrassed when I finally open my eyes and they’re totally full of unwanted, involuntary tears. It’s not my fault! It’s a reflex! I really do enjoy being here!

Then I leave a nice big tip so she knows it’s not personal.