Categories
Being a girl Books Religion

The Game of Life

I’m reading this book that someone at work gave me: The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn.  I haven’t gotten very far into it but the first chapter has already brought up an interesting concept.

The book is along the same lines as The Secret (which I haven’t actually read, but I’ve read about it and I think I grasp what The Secret is).  Florence breaks down the mind into three departments:

The subconscious is: “simply power, without direction…Whatever man feels deeply is impressed upon the subconscious mind, and carried out in minutest detail.”

The conscious is: “the mortal or carnal mind.  It is the human mind and sees life as it appears to be…it impresses the subconscious.”

The superconscious is: “the God Mind within each man, and is the realm of perfect ideas.”

I learned all the id/ego/superego stuff in high school, but the term “superconscious” isn’t familiar to me, at least not described like this. 

“In [the superconscious] is the “perfect pattern” spoken of by Plato, The Divine Design; for there is a Divine Design for each person.  There is a place that you are to fill and no one else can fill, something you are to do, which no one else can do.  There is a perfect picture of this in the superconscious mind.  It usually flashes across the conscious as an unattainable ideal – something “too good to be true.”  In reality it is man’s true destiny (or destination) flashed to him from the Infinite Intelligence which is within himself.”

A part of me knows this is just one person’s theory; it’s not really something that can be proven or shown through science.  But the rest of me thinks that it makes sense and fits in line with the kind of view I’ve been taking on the world.  I like the idea of The Secret – attracting to yourself the things that you want.  I also like the idea of the Divine Design – that things are predestined for me and that the choices and actions I make resound within this overall life plan that is already in place.

I know that a lot of people are against this idea for just that reason: they don’t want to think that they don’t actually have any say in the way their life turns out.  But the Divine Design doesn’t eliminate free will.

Probably if I’d read this book three years ago I would have dismissed it as yet another psycho-babble self-help book.  But this year the way things have been falling into place, Drew and I keep saying to each other that everything happens the way and when it’s supposed to.

A year and a half ago we had just moved back to California and we kept saying that 2010, after crazy 2009 with its engagement, cross-country move, and wedding, would be the calm year of just working and paying off debt.  But apparently that wasn’t part of the plan for us, and it’s just been this year that we’re finally, finally starting to make great strides forward.

I don’t know whether we managed to finally attract these things to us, or if it was just part our Divine Design, or if our collective superconscious finally made our jobs materialize.  Or a combination of all three.  I guess it doesn’t matter how it happened so much – I’m just so happy that it did. 

That’s actually what caught my eye in those paragraphs about the departments of the mind: that this perfect picture of my future already exists inside me somewhere and that when I’ve had those flashes of the way things could be, it’s not “too good to be true” – it’s inevitable.  That’s a good feeling.

Categories
Awesome Fiction

MUSED – Published

Today is the spring equinox, which means it’s the date that the spring issue of MUSED, an online literary magazine, comes out.

You can find the spring issue here.

You can find my poem, “Bryant Park,” here.

I’m chipping away at those New Year’s Resolutions!

Categories
Dollars Nonfiction

Perspective

Yesterday I got paid.  A mid-month paycheck, as most people will know, is a special thing, since you don’t have rent looming over you.

Last night I went crazy paying bills, paying credit cards, I paid off my Macys store card (who knows when the last time THAT had a zero balance was).  I even bought myself Microsoft Office which I have been coveting for years.

This morning at Starbucks I got charged an extra $1.40 for my decaf latte, and after checking my receipt, I got back in line to get that mess refunded.

So I guess there are some things that even feeling flush with cash won’t change.

Categories
Celebrities Endings Work

Winning

Charlie Sheen was fired from Two and a Half Men earlier this week, or late last week, or something.  I’m not sure, I’m a full week behind in my Sarah and Vinnie podcasts.  But so he was fired, like, officially.  Fired!  I thought about all the times I’ve been fired.

Oh wait.  I’ve never been fired. 

I’ve left jobs the right way, with 2 weeks’ notice and a decent, above-board reason for leaving (Wild Greens, Entertainment-Link). 
I’ve left jobs the shady way, emailing to say I’m not coming back (Jazz at Lincoln Center, and, I’m sorry to say, the SF Opera). 
I’ve left jobs because my time there has clearly expired (school jobs, Marin Theatre and other stage management gigs). 
I’ve left jobs and been totally relieved (box office for the NYPL, anyone?) and I’ve left and been totally bummed (Samuel French, Nightmare Haunted House).  
I even left a job halfway through training, day 1 (‘wichcraft).  

But I’ve never, ever been fired from a job.

Even when I might sort of have deserved to be fired.

So I guess aside from the fact that I’ve had about 25 jobs over the last 8 years, I’ve actually been pretty lucky.

Categories
"Other people" Awesome Being a girl Children

Potpourri 2

Today is the second day in a row that I’ve put 4 brand new bobby pins into my pocket, intending to use them in my hair as soon as it’s sort of dry, and after arriving at work found that I only have 3 bobby pins left.  I’m not sure where the fourth one goes, I mean it must fall out somewhere, but when?  This morning, after realizing that I only had three – AGAIN – I spotted something on the floor of the car in the passenger side, and pounced on it, thinking it was an abandoned bobby pin.  But alas, it was a piece of plastic trash. Lucky for me, the person who sat at this desk before me left a SINGLE bobby pin in a cup of paper clips.  Victory!

Last weekend I went and saw Sam’s new baby.  He’s gorgeous.  I held him for over 2 hours and he didn’t cry.  Just made sleepy noises.  Adorable.  Plus he was dressed in a little froggie onesie.  Why do babies get all the cute clothes?  I want a froggie footsie onesie with sleeves that turn into little mittens.  That sounds so comfortable.

Anyone else enraptured with Charlie Sheen’s downward spiral?

Categories
Nonfiction

“Is this real life?”

Two dentist appointments this week.  I’ve always rated dentists as the second-best doctor’s appointments in the lineup.  I don’t usually get too chastised (except for the ever-present “FLOSS”) and there’s usually a little bit of an ego boost regarding the fact that I’ve never had braces.  So I like the dentist.

In 2009 I had a cavity turn into a huge cavity, turn into a broken tooth, because although I had great health insurance through Samuel French, I didn’t have dental.  I spent probably 2 weeks crying with frustration because I would feel fine all day, and then as soon as I laid down my head to go to sleep, my face would throb with pain.  I could sort of comfort myself to sleep by chewing on Orajel numbing swabs, but the worst part was knowing that something was very wrong.

A friend recommended a dentist who would take a personal check and cut me a little slack for not having insurance.  That dentist – while very nice – immediately sent me to a endodontist in Queens, who would also take a personal check and cut me some slack.  Almost immediately after the root canal, which was a relatively easy procedure with a very nice older Indian doctor, I moved back to California.  (But not before finding out that Samuel French was in the process of switching to another insurance provider, one with great dental coverage – oh the irony.)

In California I got a crown put on – again, uninsured – and by this point I had racked up more charges than I even want to think about right now.  All because I went like three years without regular dental checkups, and I ignored telltale signs that something was wrong.  (Actually, I remember exactly when the tooth broke – I was eating baklava with Drew and Erin at a Greek restaurant in Morningside Heights.)  Oops.

Now Drew has great dental and I have access to it, so this week I took advantage of that.  On Tuesday I went in for X-rays and a consultation so they could schedule a cleaning (I guess they like to know what they’re up against with a new patient).  I had a super uplifting experience, with a great dentist who hit all my ego buzz words and said that I don’t need to floss every day, but I should aim for once a week.  That’s amazing advice!  I’ve never ever had a dentist say that before.  Love her.

On Friday I went back for a cleaning, and the hygienist just did not start off the same way.  She basically started by saying, “Have you ever noticed how yellow your teeth are?” which I think is one of those tricky questions.  I mean, what’s the right answer to that anyway?  Yes?  No?  I opted for “Um…yeah?” and she basically talked the entire time about why teeth aren’t white.  Even though she kept saying that teeth aren’t supposed to be white, but everyone wants white teeth.  I don’t know.

Then there was this little gem: “I mean, you’re so pretty, and then you smile, and people are going to be like, oh, look at those red gums!”  For the record, I don’t think you even see my gums when I smile.  But whatevs.  I know she didn’t mean it like that, but still, a far less positive way to start your day.  She gave me that blue rinse, that shows you what you miss when you brush, and then she kept telling me over and over again that I should buy the store stuff: Agent Cool Blue, it’s at Walgreens right now, it’s usually like $5.99 but right now it’s on sale for $3.79.  I’m like, that is plenty of information, thanks.

She was also the messiest hygienist I’ve ever had.  Water kept splashing out of my mouth and into my face, and I’ve never ever dribbled water out of the corner of my mouth before during a cleaning.  She said she was sloppy but that seems a little ridiculous.  She also said it was only her third day there, and Ima request someone else for my next cleaning.

BUT, the important part is I walked out of there with clean teeth and a total feeling of accomplishment, and a clean bill of health… and I was about 80% sure that there would be at least one cavity in there.  So overall, a good teeth week!  It’s nice to be insured and be able to take care of things like that.

So.  Not the best story I’ve ever told.  But a story nonetheless.  Also a lesson: take care of your teeth.  Because if you don’t, you will end up with astronomical credit card balances.

Categories
Awesome Beauty Being a girl Drew Work

How I’ve missed you, weekends.

Collapse production photo

On Friday Drew and I went to Berkeley to see Collapse at the Aurora Theatre.  This was closing weekend and they were totally sold out, but we were #1 on the walk-in list because I called three weeks ago and did industry walk-in because I was too cheap to pay for tickets.

Luckily we got in, and we even got two seats together.  The show was great, funny, and only 80 minutes, which we both loved since it had been kind of a long week, and we had to catch BART back.  Sitting in the lobby beforehand, waiting to be let in to the empty seats, I flipped through the program and read everyone’s bios, and I started to feel that itchy feeling that I recognize all too well: I like being backstage, I like being part of a production team, I like meeting a whole rush of new people every couple months.  Oh no, am I going to miss PA-ing?  One week back on the real-job wagon and I’m already looking for a new fix?

Then, while watching the show, the crew is moving furniture around in a low-ish level transition light, and I’m sitting there, wearing green, out on a date on a Friday night, all weekend stretching ahead of me, and I thought, “Hells no, I made the right choice.”

On Saturday Drew and I went up to Milagra Ridge and climbed around.  The views are gorgeous and it was great to get some fresh air.  Lucky we went when we did, since it clouded up pretty good later than afternoon.

By that time, we were grocery shopping with a little windfall of cash we had come across.  We were also buying girl scout cookies, and I was buying used paperbacks from a thrift store next to Safeway – four Stephen King books (that I need for my complete Stephen King collection) for a dollar each.  (I would have paid up to $4 per book, but don’t tell them that.)  (Today I swung by that thrift store and found Brian Jacques’ Redwall.)

This, by the way, is the picture I took and sent to Erin, to try to convince her to move back to California.

Pacifica, from Milagra Ridge

And what better way to start a lazy Sunday…than by calling the cops on a domestic dispute happening right outside your window?  We were awakened by a man yelling, “Gimme my phone!” and a woman yelling, “Gimme my baby!” and screeching tires.  Still not sure what was going on, but, because of the repeated screaming at each other, the manhandling of said baby, and the fact that I saw the cops outside the couple’s building just a few weeks ago, possibly talking to the same guy…Drew called and requested an officer to come out and make sure everything was okay.  So that was our Sunday excitement.

Both yesterday and today we made dinner and watched Dexter (we finished Season 2 tonight), and just hung out.  Incredible.  I could get used to this.  I could get way addicted to making dinners and packing lunches and going to bed at 11:00 to get up at 7:00 and go to the gym and go to work and watching TV at night and being around on Tuesday nights for friends dinner…you get the idea.  This is living.

Categories
Awesome Beginnings Being a girl Children Friends Work

Children and art

CHILDREN

I got a call this evening from my 10-months-pregnant friend, and our conversation went like this:

Me: Hey there!
Her: Hey, sorry I missed lunch today.
Me: That’s okay.  Did you have a very good reason?
Her: Yup!
Me: What is it?
Her: A baaaaybeeee!
Me: OMG!
Her: It’s so weird!
Me: AND?
Her: It’s crazy!
Me: AAAAND??
Her: It’s a boy!

I am so stoked for her.  She’s still at the hospital but once she gets home it will be all I can do to not bother her constantly to let me come over…especially as I now drive RIGHT past her house to get to work.

Hopefully she won’t make me wait too long before I meet him.  I want to see him when he’s still very small.  (Not that he was THAT small – almost 9 lbs apparently, yikes.)

I might have teared up a little when she told me.  I wasn’t there throughout her entire pregnancy but the last three months (is that all it’s been? doesn’t seem like it) have been all about this moment.  When I didn’t see her on Facebook or gchat for a couple days I figured that’s what was going on.  Weird that I couldn’t just text her and be like “Are you pushing right now?”  Weird when you have to take some time off from instant gratification.

& ART

On the job front…I can’t believe I’m so happy.  I didn’t expect to be SO. HAPPY.  I love it, I’m just having the best time.  It helps that I remember most stuff so I’m not training from scratch.  But I love the team there now, I love the space we’re in, I love the work I’m doing.  The work days are flying by and everything is interesting.  And I don’t think that’s going to disappear, I think it’ll just get better as I get more situated.

Today I spent large amounts of time on a storyboard for an “audio slideshow” – which we use as a show “trailer” on the website.  So I storyboarded the images and text that will go up there to sell the next show in the season.  It’s great having some creative parts of the job to go along with the sales parts.

I’m not sure what’s different about the job this time around, that I’m a trillion times happier there.  (I have a couple theories though.)  I’m just uber grateful that this worked out the way it did, and that I’m now in this position.  It’s a far better situation than I figured I’d be in, back in the beginning of February as I looked ahead.

Because I don’t start until 10, I’ve been getting up when Drew leaves (at 7:00) and going to the gym.  Because there is no way I’m going to come home at 6:00 and then go to the gym.  No freaking way.  I think I’m going to try going every day next week, and then I could take the weekends off.

So happy today – everything is great!  Makes it easy to be thankful.  All color and light.

Categories
Awesome Beginnings Nonfiction Religion Sentiment Uncategorized Work

Congratulate me, O Friends!

Elton Richards – the pastor out of pasture – broke down prayer for me into four types.  It’s a handy mnemonic: ACTS.  A for adoration (praising God).  C for confession (telling God your sins).  T for thanksgiving (being grateful to God for what you have).  S for supplication (asking God to help you).

The Year of Living Biblically, A.J. Jacobs

Like most people, I’m pretty good at Supplication.  But I also think that I’m good at Thanksgiving: when it’s an especially pretty day, when I get home safely in the pouring rain, when I get a sweet parking space.  I try to get some Adoration in there too: it often goes hand-in-hand with Thanksgiving.  I don’t do a lot of Confession, but maybe that’s something I should explore.

Last week found me supplicating silently all the time.  Sometimes specific, sometimes just “Please please please.”  When I was being specific I couldn’t quite bring myself to say, “Let me get this job,” but rather, “Give me the confidence and courage to nail this interview” or “Let this job be part of your plan for me,” since even I don’t presume to know what’s best for me and my life.

But on Friday, when I got the job, I was equally as enthusiastic (and speechless), sticking mostly to “Thank you thank you thank you!”  I threw in some “You’re amazing!”s to mix it up.  It’s things like this that make it really obvious that there is a plan for each of us, and that God has a hand always in our lives.

The job in question?  Sales Manager at one of the major Bay Area theatres…incidentally the exact position I held when I worked at this company for four months in 2009.  Which is another story altogether.  But now I’m back, and while they have done some major renovations and overhaul on the building, it sort of feels exactly the same.

So here’s to the first day at a new job  career, and to getting what you need (not always the same as what you want), and to prayers being answered.

And let’s not forget, a (brief) moment of silence for my (brief) subbing career.  Which I enjoyed but was perfectly willing to give up.

Categories
Endings Sentiment Theatre Work

Closing Seagull

Things I will miss about Seagull:

-The people, etc, etc (this encompasses everything about friendship and memories and good times I’ve had – the rest of my bullet points will be more specifics)
-Craig shouting “I forgot my walking stick” at me
-Kostya’s Act I monologue about his mother, while he plays piano
-All the piano music, actually (luckily it’s all available on soundcloud!)
-Masha’s beautiful hair
-Waiting for Act III to start and making faces across the stage at the people in the other wing
-The Act III-Act IV transition

Things I will not miss about Seagull:

-The schedule, etc, etc
-2:45 running time…and then a full reset at the end of each show
-Watching the prop grapes get ickier and ickier over the week
-Resetting air vibrations

My favorite lines (in no particular order, and completely out of context):

Sorin: Bring ALL the horses here, NOW!

Arkadina: Light as a feather!  I could play a girl of fifteen.

Masha: Once I get married, I won’t have love on my mind.  I’ll have new problems to worry about.

Trigorin (to Kostya): Irina Nikoleyevna said you are ready to let bygones be bygones.

Polina: I know I’m too jealous.  I’m so ashamed.  You must be sick of me.
Dorn: No, no.  If you must keep talking, do.

Seagull isn’t closing quite yet, but I’m starting to feel the first pangs.  I’ll miss you, MTC.  Can’t wait to sit in the audience and watch Fuddy Meers in a month!