Cucumber Eyes

I have been known to say that marriage (or co-habitation) is really just an extended slumber party.  The other night, rehearsal went until 9:00 pm.  And then, the stage manager and I taped the spikes onto the stage floor in prep for moving into the theatre the next day.  And then, I drove him home to San Francisco (the second time, and he still did not offer to chip in for gas or toll.  I’m pretty sure he catches rides in order to avoid paying the toll). 

So by the time I get home it’s around 10:30 and it’s too late for dinner, but I haven’t really eaten.  Drew cuts up a cucumber that’s in the fridge and I eat some slices and then I appropriate two slices to put over my eyes and lay on the couch.  Drew comes in and changes the channel on the TV from Frasier to Golden Girls.  “Let’s play a game.  You see if you can guess the show.”

“Golden Girls,” I say immediately.  [Pause]  A male voice says something about politics and everyone laughs.  “Stephen Colbert,” I say.  [Pause]  I hear weird intonations in a female voice and I’m not sure, then I hear the familiar voice of Quagmire.  “Oh, Family Guy, it’s the one where they’re in Lord of the Rings.”  [Pause]  Music and inspecific noises.  “Is this VH1?” I ask. 

“Nope,” he replies. 

“TLC?” 

“Yes!” 

I hear someone say, “One, two, three…”  “17 Kids and Counting?” I take a stab in the dark. 

“Yes!  How did you do that?  Are you looking?”  I cross my heart I’m not.  “But the show is now called 19 Kids and Counting, but this is an old episode so it’s still just 17 kids.”  I promise I’m not peeking.

More inspecific noises and ominous generic background music.  “Is this a Discovery show?”  (I’m thinking about shark attacks here.)  It’s not.  “Law and Order?”

“Yes!”  He practically says “OMG.”

The next one is Will & Grace, I get it immediately based on Rosario’s voice.  I then have a run of bad luck which includes Millionaire Matchmaker (I know I recognize her voice, I just can’t place it, and I’m getting smug, which doesn’t help), Unwrapped (I guess Frasier again based on the theme music) and China Mandarin Intern (which I guessed as “The China Channel,” close enough, right?).  We land on The Tonight Show, which I guess right, and then I get tired of the cucumber slices which keep sliding down whenever I talk or smile.  I take them off and consider eating them but they have mascara bits on them.

So we watch Hugh Jackman be incredibly racist for about 10 minutes (did anyone catch that?) and we never do figure out what he’s supposed to be promoting.  Maybe The Tonight Show just couldn’t get anyone else.

Sometimes after a long day you just have to relax, in inventive ways.  (Also, I’m pretty sure that the cucumber slices totally did work magic on my eyes, just the way they do, well, on TV!)