“Don’t they ever stop migrating?” -The Birds

This morning as I was leaving the gym, a bird attacked me and grabbed the back of my head with its talons. Then it flew up to the roof and sat there. The whole front wall of the gym is windows, so I’m wondering how many earnest morning bikers observed the whole thing.

When I got in my car the bird flew down and sat on the hood looking at me until I honked the horn. I mean, I assume it was the same bird.

Why would a bird do such a thing? Here are some theories:

1. It was just in a pissy mood (maybe it’s not an early bird?) and I just happened to be there.
2. It wanted to carry me away to feed me to its giant bird leader, who lives in a volcano.
3. I got too close to its nest – but to that I say, the ONE bush outside the door of a 24 HOUR FITNESS is a stupid place to build a nest.
4. Some kind of mass bird disease, or world takeover plan, a la Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

…Which inspired me to put this little trick together:

Which is actually more terrifying than the original incident. I mean, yikes. (The problem is, in 99% of pictures, I am smiling or having fun, so when I need a picture that shows some kind of negative emotion, like panic or terror, my options are limited.)

But this thing reminds me of the cover of the Aphex Twin album, Come to Daddy.

Again I say, yikes.